guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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