i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
