I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
