There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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