I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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