Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
