By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
