Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
