she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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