Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
