Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
