I got chris browned last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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