I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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