margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
