my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
