We won't sleep together?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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