All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
