I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
