I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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