So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
