It's Friday. Sex?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
