I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
