Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
