You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
