I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
