he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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