I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
