So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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