my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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