i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
