I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
