i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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