The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
