My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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