some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
