She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
smell my finger.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
