hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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