My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
