my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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