there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
