All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
