Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
