At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
