Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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