I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
