i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
