the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
