I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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