I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said her name was "party"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
