finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
