Just fell off a train. Bad.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
